Unspoken Rules of the House

Weddings are good project deadlines, but compromisable as such.

You toucha my licorice, I breaka your face (luckily, I hate licorice).

Respect one's breaking point.

Every book has at least two sides.

Happiness is a choice.

Fashion is in the eye of the dresser.

Don't let anyone fool you, both Middle Earth and Narnia are real.

Excitement can easily be found in galavanting to antique stores, book stores and the occassional comic book shop.

If you're only five minutes early, you're late.

Life is a musical; take advantage of it.

Observe...

My toothpaste reminds me of root beer--every time I brush!

Some people just look like their names.

Countless animals meet their end between Army Post Rd. and the bypass.

There is a billboard on the SE 14th that says "Someone wants to check your colon." That's about it too. It reminds me of when this kid would come to our door willy-nilly at the most inconvenient (or just multiple) times daily, and one of my family members would sing-song say as the entered from the porch, "Jill, someone's at the door for you, wanting to talk to you!" Like it's your polite obligation to go and get your colon checked because someone out there wants to check it.

There are couples that by appearance are so oddly matched, I'm convinced the only place they meet are at a Star Trek convention or some such event.

One the best feelings in the world is freshly shaven legs and clean sheets.

A church on Euclid offers this encouragement: "God will survive your rejection. But you won't."

All names aside... (PG13)

Oh, the joys of consistency. For the last 6 weeks, I've been working with the same doctor and loving it! Her name is Dr. "Allen," and I've come a long way with her help. We're actually quite the team now and most days I'm brave enough to hold a conversation with her.

Lately though, there's just been more to converse about. I've started to detect a theme when a few patients coming in for med checks would ask as I left the room if Dr. Allen was a man or a woman. "She's a woman. Dr. Emily Allen," came my reply. She is truly one of the most thorough and professional and approachable people you'll ever meet--Nothing for them to worry about.

Except when they're a male coming in with a strictly male problem. Still not really anything to worry about; you can't always get in with your primary doctor. Then I see it: Dr. Allen's full name escaped the dialogue at the time of their scheduling and a squint comes to their eyes after a female nurse (we'll call her "Jillisa") confirms they're here for a possible inguinal hernia or some such concern. (Warning: an upcoming diagnosis is more explicit, not that it's anything new for most of you reading this.) I take their blood pressure before I ask this or it tends to run a little high.

"Dr. Allen, Patrick is roomed."
"Thank you. Do you think he knows?"
"Umm... Probably not. He was twiddling his thumbs a bit when I left."
"I think sometimes they hear 'Dr. Allen' and think since Allen is a boy's name, it must be a male doctor. It's Dr. Emily Allen," she says softly, slightly shaking her head, obviously feeling worse for the 26-yr-old patient about to be ambushed.
"Let me know when you need me?" I say, grinning and bearing it.
"All right." (Deep breath.)

In a few moments she comes back out, letting me know she's ready for the exam.
"So what did he think when you walked in the door?"
"He had no idea. His eyes got a little wider when I walked in and introduced myself. No idea. And we'll have to do a swab on this one."
Knock knock. And in we go, she being the examiner and I being the safeguard against a sexual assault lawsuit. I can't say either of us enjoy our particular roles, but they are what they are and I totally think I got the better end of the deal. After all, I only have to feel their veins.

Only two days after that incident do I find myself asking, "So, you think you found a testicular lump?"
Squinty eyes. "Yeah, and normally that wouldn't concern me but I have a family history of prostate cancer."
Here's where's I avoid asking "So when did you first notice that?" and instead say "Okay. Well, Dr. Allen should be in shortly," and quickly jot it on his chart.
Chart up.
Off I go to see if lab results have returned. I come back just in time to witness this:

Sweet and unsuspecting Dr. Allen must have forgotten her last patient of the day. She opens the chart for a quick review and with a minute slouch whispers a clear "Really?" *Sigh* Deep breathe in, smile politely, knock knock.
"Hi, I'm Dr. Allen. How are you doing today?"

OH NO!!

Tila Tequila (and I quote from FoxNews.com): "I am really really into politics; it's my next career move. Everyone thinks I'm dumb but I'm not. I plan to run for Governor one day."

I don't even know who she is and I'm scared.

A Real Gem

Tuesday I went to the library and, lo and behold, they were having a book sale. I perused through the children's section looking for Golden Books for my mom or aunt (who collect antique ones, and 50 cents is a steal!) and I come upon this title.
Mine! (Look how happy they are!)

Published in 1983, The Dating Book: A Guide to the Social Scene can probably not be purchased anymore. I'm stoked that I have a copy.

This book answers some hard etiquette questions, such as if your table manners will embarrass you and how to eat hard-to-handle foods like hamburgers, spaghetti, lobster and corn on the cob. Think about your first teenage dates: all them included lobster, right? Except for that poor sucker who bought you corn on the cob; and you would have dumped him for not spending the money on you if your table manners hadn't scared him off first.

The etiquette chapter was probably my favorite. Although how to throw a party your friends will love at your home, improve your social life and not be so afraid at dances almost took the cake. All new concepts to this child of the 80's.

Then of course it talks about blind dates, puberty, "physical risks involved with intercourse" (pregnancy being the first) and--check out this question-- "If I'm not ready for more serious sex, will a boy drop me?" (Um? ...ok? Would it be that bad if he did?) Well, thank God we all leave it up to the public school systems to teach kids this stuff and not this silly book or, heaven forbid, their parents.

World's worst bibliography and suggested reading included (and I thought the book ended with its conclusion!). Here is a sample of some additional timeless reads:
STD: A Commonsense Guide
The Turbulent Teens
and (my personal favorite)
How To Get a Teenage Boy and What To Do With Him Once You Get Him

You can imagine now how my excitement did not end with the classy cover--two people, two burgers, and one coke with two straws. From cover to cover, my browse through this book was simple fantastic and entertaining. Here is a paragraph from the back cover proving the book's worth.
Insert awkward situation here."These and many other dilemmas (including questions of etiquette!) covered in these pages. There are no right and wrong answers."--Yeah, 'cause it's got to be one or the other-- "All of the choices are yours to make. But if you want to really enjoy your social life, this book will give you a hand!"

I'm sure this book was highly recommended for its time. And now I feel like watching Back to the Future.

Music Video Fave

When I discovered this music video, I immediately had to show it to my mom, sisters (I think only Joanna was living here at the time), and a few of my close friends via weblink. It is sweet though perhaps not life changing. Nonetheless, I have watched some people cry while watching it (you know who you are!) and had a friend say she wants it sung at her wedding. Maybe it is subtly profound.

Where's the Nearest Post Office?

Stamps. I asked Hy-Vee if they sold postcard stamps (because I have post card I need to send out) and they said nope. I would have to pay 42 cents per stamp to send a postcard if I wanted to purchase them there. So my first question is where is the south side post office? McKinley and something... Hmm...

Catching up. I'm catching up on my favorite blogs--mine included HAHA--because I've abandon them the last 2 months. I'm trying to get into the creative mode again, but it appears work and trying to finish 4 books that I'm reading (second Q: how again do I get in such a pickle?) from my 2009 book list is squelching any creativity or time I used to have for anything more than journaling a quick thoughts I know no one will read until after I'm dead.

Immunity. I had the flu a couple weeks ago (colds both preceded and suceeded the weeks before it) and puked for the first time in 10 years. There is one exeption to this puking fib: my sister and I were in a wedding last summer. No alcohol or food poisoning and not exactly flu season; still, while helping with the reception clean-up, I start to hiccup. Loud, obnoxious hiccups. The kind where it's work to supress the loud burps that come after. So I'm getting light-headed and race downstairs to the bathroom (mind you, I'm dressed up in a new dress I bought just for the occassion, having been up front earlier). No sooner do I get to a stall than I hiccup one more time and retch my entire stomach contents. And I'm fine. No more hiccups. No more burping. No more gasping for breath. 3 minutes for the color to return to my face and I walk around normally once more.
It was a while, however, before I could eat lasagna again.
Also, I'm exercising more. It's nice out and I like to run outside. My mind prefers cardio over strength training. My knee begs to differ.
My point being that the clinic is doing it's job in pushing on me every random stomach and respiratory virus it has to offer--thus upgrading my immune cells--and exercise will kick in shortly and do it's part, resulting in a primo immune system.

Nothing like Your Love. I'm thrilled for Easter. It's my favorite of everything though I never feel prepared or comfortable as it approachs. Not a doubting uncomfortable, but a this-shirt-feels-too-tight-to-wear-in-public uncomfortable. Still, Palm Sunday or the Resurrection Celebration itself, I love the anticipation, the worship--whether I'm in the congregation or on the team-- the story, the Savior. I keep thinking one of these Easters, I'll watch the Passion movie the night before to really get in the mindset and understanding of the day.
Yeah right. I'm a whimp when it comes to reality.
That movie stays tucked behind of Pride and Prejudice or the Matrix or something, possibly unopened, just asking "Who among you has the courage to watch me again?" With all honesty and humility I answer back "Not me." Not yet. However, I'll be alone tomorrow night. Perhaps...